Hello hello š,
I hope you have had a restful weekend and that the new year fatigue isnāt getting to you. Please take care of yourself without guilt and remember that today, tomorrow, and all the days to come, you are deserving of it.
This weekās post is a 2nd in what could be a series of a compilation of poems, spoken words and just relatable posts I come across and relate to and think you just might too. You can find the first here.
I like Rudy Francisco a lot, his emotions are always so evident in his poetry, this piece about a drowning fish thoroughly captures what itās like navigating everyday life with depression. Itās not everyday that a depressed person lies in bed unable to do life, on some days, a lot really, life doesnāt give us the opportunity to sit down with our feelings, we push on with false smiles and quite impeccable acting, feigning ānormalcyā when all we really want to do is stay in bed, to tell people how we truly feel, without fear of judgment, fear of being called or labeled lazy unmotivated, or dramatic, without having a slew of positive affirmations dumped on us and make us feel even worse. āItās going to be okay, because I know thereās a better version of me out there in the future, saying āRudy, thanks for not giving up on us.ā This part resonates with me, it reminds me that thereās a future me and Iām working hard for her too.
Bianca Phippsās stay with me is profound and super relatable. Dealing with anxiety is hard, harder when you are surrounded by events that constantly triggers it. Anxiety is not completing a certain thought before spiralling onto the next one, itās not knowing if your decisions are made out of fear or acknowledging your instincts, itās anticipating and dealing with losses not yet established but still having to go through the motions when it does happen. Itās being cautious, but not the good kind, almost a suspicion-cautiously happy for fear of ruining that happiness, cautiously sad for fear of being judged, itās all the emotions imaginable being processed in the space of minutes. Itās a lot.
This is not the end of the world, it really isnāt. This one hits differently at times. This talks about a sense of community, being comforted by the fact that whatever I am feeling, itās not just me, I am not being specifically singled out for this feeling, the experiences are not because I am being punished, and they are not peculiar to me. Itās hard on some days but on other days, itās easier to bear. He talks about isolation not being safety and as someone whose coping mechanism is to hide when life is ālifingā, I understand that, I understand that itās important not to go through the motions alone and to not just exist, to be present while existing, to do something worthwhile for yourself and for others.
When he said āLove how you hate yourself sometimes, because at least thereās something to hateā, that hit home, if you have dealt with numbness, youād appreciate feeling a tiny bit of emotion, if you have willed yourself to even feel a little bout of anger at anything, youād get what he meant.
TW: Abuse
On Silence is for everyone and anyone who has suffered any form of abuse and have chosen to stay silent. I hope you hear this and know that your silence is a valid choice. Words are powerful but silence can be too. Itās okay to stay silent until you are absolutely ready. Itās not your fault, you didnāt do anything to deserve it and you definitely do not owe anyone your narration of events until you are absolutely ready to share. Donāt let yourself be pressured into sharing your story by people who are not in your shows, who could want it for their own listening pleasure or to feel good about themselves. Your experience is valid even if you have chosen not to speak about it, your silence is valid and you owe your voice only to yourself.
Do you have any poetry, spoken word or even books that makes life a little less lonely for you? Please share them, I always look forward to hearing from you.
And as you go about your week, let kindness guide you, be kind to others and most importantly, be kind to yourself.
With love,
ā OMS
These are incredible. I will be returning to this post in the future. I really enjoyed suhaiymah manzhoor Khan 's first book of poems, post colonial banter. And I think around about 2016, I was (still am) a key ballah Stan.