This unusual midweek post is a compilation of some poems and spoken words I came across recently. I am sharing because some of the content expresses the things I find hard passing across even in writing. I do hope by sharing, I am conveying the thoughts and feelings I have but couldn't form myself and for those who can relate to any of these, I hope it serves as a reminder that you aren't crazy, that this feeling isn't unique to you.
Jae Nichelle's "friends with benefit" was the first spoken word I came across, I felt seen in more ways than one, and when she said "Because of her, I don’t correct servers who get my order wrong at restaurants I just eat it because maybe sweet potato fries are what I wanted but the broccoli you gave me is what I needed? Thank you." I lost it! I thought about the number of times I have accepted what I was handed rather than what I actually wanted but took it all the same, I thought of the number of times I wanted to say "No" but my mouth anxiously formed "Yes" just so peace reigned while ruining my own peace.
Clayton Jennings addresses anxiety in his Dear Anxiety spoken word the way most of us handle things. There is a screaming contest in our heads but when asked how we are, we say we are fine. Opening up is hard, being vulnerable with feelings is super hard especially when you haven't identified what your safe space is. I literally burned myself out, I smiled, I took care of everything else when all I wanted was to be wrapped in somebody's warm embrace and be told I was safe.
What about when it seems everything is going well, or when people look at you and see all the seemingly great things going on with you? New job, Perfect on paper life but you can't muster the happiness. I remember getting a job offer, even though I prepared for it and wanted it, I got it but I couldn't find the joy that was supposed to come with it, I felt I was being ungrateful. This in particular is hard to explain to anyone because how do you explain getting good news but all you feel is numb. I feel Clickfortatz did a pretty good job in addressing this in her spoken word poetry.
Nayo Jones's "Healing" resonates so much with me, for the longest, I thought if I could love someone enough, it covers up for the love I couldn't give myself and that should be worth something. I thought by being there for everyone else, I could make peace with the self-loathe I feel, I gave more than I had to give hoping it is enough.
To wrap things up, Aniyah Smith's Healing touches on holding on, on finding the strength to keep going even when all you want to do is to give up, to find rest in whatever capacity. Some days are harder than others but I try to find a reason to keep going on, to hold on to the promise of my Lord, that "For indeed, with difficulties comes ease". I acknowledge that ease can come in any form but until He chooses to call me to Him, I hope to find reasons to keep going on and I really do hope that you do too.
It is important to mention that you should seek professional help if you ever feel the need to harm yourself, or if your thoughts take you to a dangerous place, or even if you begin to feel a little too overwhelmed.
If you found this post helpful, relatable, or even just a tad interesting (I will take a tad) please share with your loved ones or anyone you think it might be beneficial to. Also, leave a comment section or send me an email, you know, whatever feels comfortable.
This was a timely post, thank you! I really do hope you find reasons to keep going on-big or small. Rooting for you.💐♥️
Read now and its just the perfect time for me to have read it. Love and Light 💞