Hello đ
Hey there! How are you? I hope you have had a good weekend, itâs okay if it wasnât all good; but I do hope that the new week brings you all the goodness and light you need.
A Mid-week Breakdown and Medicating
At the peak of my most recent major âbreakdownâ, I decided it was time to try out new things, to commit to things that could be helpful to me on this journey to getting better and I must say, so far, they are proving to.
You see, this thought didnât come out of the blue, it came after experiencing an emotion I donât think I had quite experienced beforeâI was in the middle of a work call when I suddenly started feeling hot, blind rage. Before this random burst of emotion, I had been numb and was only barely getting by the days by doing only what was absolutely unavoidable. And then, out of nowhere, sudden red hot rage. It was new and strange and made me want to smash everything around, if the call had lasted a minute longer than it did, I probably would have done something drastic because immediately it ended, I remember hitting my laptop so hard, I shocked myself. I didnât know where it came from, I still donât but I know that isnât me and that isnât who I want to be.
I booked a doctorâs appointment for the very next day and was prescribed tricyclic antidepressants. While the first couple of weeks were rough because the meds basically knocked me off for most part of the day, I thankfully slept better and faster. Mornings are difficult for a whole different reason now because dragging myself up is a chore, itâs however a better option to tossing and turning all night and still not being able to have a good start to the day. My emotions are also more stable now, hopefully nothing jinxes this.
Escapes
When the first wave of the medication symptoms wore off and I began to feel like myself again, I registered in a gym where I have been working out 3 times a week, this is a whole new territory for me but I am actually having quite a good time. Iâm not obsessing over my less than perfect coordination, it doesnât matter that it takes a while for me to move to the next routine sometimes- what matters is that I find myself looking forward to gym days and I am committed to keeping at it.
Books are great, they are like windows through which we can see the world, but too much of everything can be overwhelming so I am currently taking a break from reading on the topic of mental health and from researches because I feel like I am suffering from information overload, I need to accept that itâs okay that I donât have all the answers right away, I donât need to and learning at an healthy pace is more sustainable in the long run.
I acknowledge that I am able to do all these because I have gotten to a place in my journey where I am intentional about playing an active part in my wellbeing. I am also fully aware that as much as I want to continue at this pace, I might have a relapse or two and that doesnât make me any less deserving of peace than I am now.
If you have gotten to a stage you would like to be or even just a little close, you should be proud of yourself for how far you have come! I know I am applauding myself and if you feel you still have a lot of work to do, remember to do it with some kindness and an understanding that healing is not linear and that as long as you get the strength to get up and do life everyday, that counts for something, because trust me, I know that counts for a lot these days.
What does healing look or feel like for you? What are the little progress youâd like to applaud yourself for? Itâs fine if you canât point out any right now, maybe take some time to reflect? Let it come to you.
Thanks for sticking around till the end, itâs always a pleasure to reach new readers so please do share this with a friend or two. Until next time!âšâšâš
â with love,
OMS.
Just what I needed. Thanks for dropping this at random, it goes a long way.