Hello,
How are you doing? Please take a moment to reflect and appreciate the progress you have made no matter how little it may seem to you.
I hope you get the pleasure of experiencing good days this new week and the ability be fully present in them.
I always felt like I stuck out in a lot of spaces I find myself in, I looked at and judged myself through the lens of the majority of the people in such spaces- I constantly compared myself to people I thought admirable or think I should be like. I had low self-esteem and I wasn’t fully aware.
This shows up in every aspect of life and in varying degrees.
For as long as I can remember, dating back to junior high school, I have always had the feeling that I wasn’t just good enough, that others were always somehow better than I am. This affected everything, from mundane, random everyday things to my prayers, I didn’t feel like I deserved good things and since I internalized that, I just decided to not bother about praying or even hoping for good things because what’s the point? Let’s leave the hoping to those who actually deserve whatever it is they hope for.
Low self-esteem can be a funny problem because you are probably doing all the best you can given the circumstances that applies to your situation but you never feel like you are enough. It didn’t help that I grew up to be ambitious, if anything, it aggravated it, I always find myself surrounded by super ambitious and successful people. I felt lost, like I was in the wrong place most of the times, I’d often second guess myself and compare myself to these people without giving a thought to the likelihood that they’ve had totally different circumstances and life trajectories. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t failing, what took centre stage was not being “perfect”, that the people I admire are 10 steps ahead and looking back now, I was doing myself a great disservice.
I know low self esteem can be an off-shoot of anxiety but correlation doesn't imply causation, I don’t know which happened to me first, the self esteem problems or the anxiety, not that it matters as they can both be seriously life-altering problems and need to be addressed and worked on.
I refer to this issue in the past tense because as much as there’s still a long way to go and I still find myself slacking and spiralling about what others think of me, I am now aware that as long as I am not being hurtful to myself or others, it doesn’t really matter what they may think or not think of me. I am becoming more comfortable in myself, and growing to be someone I like, I even get cocky on some days and hype myself up and remind myself I am IT because let’s be honest, I am kind of a big deal yunno. 😉
On a more serious note, there will always be better people than I am, people who appear more put together than I am but that is not because I am fundamentally lacking in some way, it’s just the way the world is set up and I am absolutely okay with that.
As much as a lot of this is a lot of personal work you need to do by yourself, for yourself, it’s crucial to understand that external factors play a big role in how we perceive ourselves. You might be doing all these internal work but if you surround yourself by people who bring you down at every turn, who are quick to remind you of your shortcomings and bring it up at every point or at at your lowest, this is just going to be an exercise in futility. Let the people who surround you be those who truly see you, for all you are and all you can be.
As you go about your week, I hope you take a look at your actions and your thoughts and challenge the ones that might stem from a place of poor self-esteem, and remind yourself that you are not a less than person, you are enough as you are, and have the potential to be so much more ✨.
With love,
— OMS.
This is beautiful ❤️.
I really needed this, thank you!